the truth is, I was desperate, or I never would have joined a peer support group for mental health, online: a zoom meeting with strangers that might be as mad as me. I clicked a link and there I was, looking terrified in my little box on the screen, among the other faces in their little boxes, all with their own histories, all unknown to me. I can’t do this, I thought. this is just another place I don’t belong - they each took a turn to share a slice of life, how they had spent their week, their day: shopping, writing, crying, raging. everything was equally welcome and treated with care: “I took a shower.” “I left the house.” “I cried for hours.” “I did a big thing.” “I did nothing.” all were valid as they came, peppered with unnecessary sorrys, salted with choked-back tears. my turn came round. awkwardly I raised my hand, (and watched the me in the box awkwardly raise my hand,) I tried to smile as all my piled-up words spilled out and spilled out in a messy tangled heap then I waited to be judged but I was not judged nor was I treated like a stranger. instead, I found empathy, encouragement and kindness. someone told me I was brave - this was not what I expected. now week after week you’ll find me here in my little box, with all the other little boxes, amongst friends.
